DarkPhoenixIncarnate

I exist in a world of pure Poeticism, I want to go back to the person I was before. I want to feel and convey each skittering emotion The rushing the trembling Dragging and sliding, gasping and screaming I want to return to the place where my words ran free In rivulets of rainwater down her lips Upon bended knee Among ruin and fallen comrades. Across stone and stillness I want to lose myself in emotion Lose each repetition, The same words The Same phrases, The same sighs, the same moans I want to return to the sea Dance against the sea In the waves in the water In the moments between morning and night In The blurred agony of exhaustion The

The wounds you left upon me have long since healed over, Though I no longer feel them I find I can still recall the moments when the ache was fresh, Still echoing through my thoughts and words and lungs and I was Left staring, unblinking, as the evidence of your touch peeled and chipped from my fingernails, All while resisting the urge to rip at myself and they say, They say it takes seven years to grow all new cells, Seven years to purge you from my skin. Seven years, seventy showers, the seven seconds it took for you to finally, finally whisper the truth and, I can no longer stand the sound of your breath. Your huffs of denial and

You’re okay. You’re okay and you went too far but You’re okay and you Let yourself go let yourself imagine Let yourself hope and you went too far but You’re okay you’re okay Just breathe, breathe and rewind, rethink but don’t relapse You’re okay, you’re okay and your, Fingers are trembling and chest clenching as ringing words echo in your mind as You turn on all the lights and sit in the brightness As your heavy throat and warm skin turns to ice As the shivers and the joy and the pleasure go and fade and You’re okay you’re okay this is Always how it was supposed to end a

This is as far as it goes. Everything post-apocalyptic settles And lingers Is dust atop the surfaces of my mind. I lost the moments in between each end, Each destruction and renewal are torn apart, Rebuilt and lost and becoming settled dust. I don’t recall the difference between starting over And Stepping back. Walking across shattered glass. Or piled ash. Both prickle and ache against the calloused soles That move atop them in fearlessness, Determination. I’m gripping matches and ignition with dust settled in my throat. Ready to begin the end again.

I think I’m shifting again A slow progression to the churning seas A gentle trek amid rising pines Felled forests Burning trees. I think I’m moving again, Beginning and ending No longer reversing, No longer rewinding. And it is fear And joy And uncertainty and doubt Sliding against each other in slow tandem When before the movements were frantic And useless At Best. I am shifting. Becoming and returning. Progressing and forgetting My triggers My fears The words said that sent jolts of panic through my heart The memories relived that tore screams from my lips. They fade and fall and linger as wisps and nothing more I am shifting.

Your hands tremble and twine with mine With heavings of breath and I can’t Think can’t think can’t feel Hands trembling across mine Fingertips and nails brushing skin I can’t return from the void of your eyes Can’t forget the gasps for breath Can’t think can’t think. Each movement is torment Each touch is torture Each kiss is heaven, Each breath is hell Arching hips and curling spines and I’m seeing myself in your eyes Trapping myself in your eyes Gripping bars, scratching the walls of this prison Clawing at liquid heat in each vein Trembling fingertips drag and pull Kisses aching with depth and

Like a record, Skipping in reverse, rewinding, Losing sound and time, She forgets things. And you remember. Remember there are hands in your heart, Wrapped around it warm and gentle and careful. You remember fingers in your hair and frustrated tears, The knots that she pulled catching and breaking comb after comb. She’s forgotten, Forgotten her aching knees, the surgeries. And you remember when the skipping first started. Remember holding up stained floor mats, accusing, Causing tears and biting back regret, knowing it’ll linger, return. Knowing it’ll all reverse, rewind. Tears fall down her cheeks but she’s forgotten

There are words hidden beneath my fingernails. Twisting, aching, I can taste them between ravenous teeth, Ripping from root to stem, swallowing and retching, Only to push back again. I have horrors scratching behind my eyes. Visible only in the blurs of sideways glances, Inching closer in the silence of a crowded room, Mocking their prey in a parody of stillness. There is abuse etched into my bones. Each step and crack and jolt brushing carvings against hidden flesh. Ripping apart all semblance of stability, Forcing deeper the needle points of truth within each memory. I have rage queued under my breath. Drawn tight, taut, waiting to strike

You’re hiding. From demons, from monsters, From crevices bathed in the dark. You can feel it, itching patterns across your skin. You are safe. Unharmed, warm, Awake, afraid. I hear you scratching lines into peeling wallpaper, Ripping chains from underneath each divide. Metal pressing against your temples, In triggers you’ve been forced to reverse, rewind. You are safe, You are alive. But the rage and terror slide together, Working in tandem alongside, Action and inaction warring endless in your mind. But you are safe, You are fine. You’re hidden. Hidden from the shadows, In chasms lost to time. You are safe. You are fin

I hurt you today. Hurt and hurt and hurt. Broke and shattered, Deep and quick, Sleek and hidden, I found it all. Everything protected, everything concealed. Torn apart with knives of breath, Shredded within blurred light. You hurt today, hurt and burn. I shift, shift and ache. Breathe and count, Count mistakes, count lines, Dozens, thousands, circling, and retracting, Hurting and healing, Cutting and burning. Harmed and harming. Breaks in skin, Burns in mind, Peeled back, stripped bare. Unable to retract, unable to diffuse, Unable to snuff out. I hurt you. I hurt.